First of all, let me say this:
This ain't no "Bash the Black Man" think piece.
I love me a black man and will die a single woman if I can't find a black husband.
Get out of your heads and just read the post.
Dear Black Men: Y'all Have Been At Black Women's Necks.
We could take this all the way back to "way back when" but let's only go back a few weeks.
- Kanye West openly criticized Harriet Tubman (a black woman) for not freeing slaves from white supremacy, although she freed slaves from chattel slavery.
- Then, Cardi B and Meg Thee Stallion released a song titled WAP (look it up for what it means). Black men critiqued not only them two but every woman who liked the song because it is too vulgar and too openly sexual for a woman to openly rap about; (although black rappers' lyrics have discussed sexual relations with women for years).
- Shortly thereafter, Kamala Harris was appointed by Joe Biden to be his running mate for Vice President of the United States and black men attacked this woman's criminal justice history because apparently, too many black men were arrested during her tenure as a DA and Attorney General. (Yes, you can also have other political views why you don't like her but I'm talking about this reason right now.)
- And just last night, Meg Thee Stallion who recently suffered gun shot wounds to both her feet, vocally shared her truth in the situation on Instagram Live and reported that Tory Lanez shot her, and apparently for no reason. Even more, she stated that she was too afraid for not only her life, but his life as well, and decided not to tell the police who shot her. And black men have attacked her credibility, have attacked her for saying that Tory did it, and have went off on women who are supporting her.
Black women feel attacked by black men ... again, and PUBLICLY.
From reading today's commentary on social media, I have learned that as black men, you all TRULY believe that you protect black women because you love and cape for the black women in your lives.
What I think you fail to realize is that the black women in your family have 1) had similar experiences as black women outside of your family, 2) share the exact same views as black women outside of your family, and 3) enjoy the very things that other black women OUTSIDE of your family enjoy -- all of which you critique and dislike. Take a moment and read that again. We have similar views as Cardi B (maybe not all but similar). We are proud of Kamala Harris. We are hurt that Tory shot Meg! We find a piece of ourselves in each of these women who you criticize. Does this mean you overlook all of these things because we are your family and friends?
We simply ask you to embrace our sisters who are not your mothers, sisters, children's mother, close friends, etc. We are all one. We actually all think alike a lot and THAT is why we are shocked, hurt, and PISSED when y'all criticize another black woman, because we feel that now, you are criticizing us, a woman you love and "protect." And this black woman doesn't have to be a celebrity. We are also caping for the variety of other black women who you know personally: those who have multiple children (and sometimes multiple fathers), who love to be wined and dined, who put their child's father on child support, who enjoy sex just as much as men, who expects a man to provide for her, who changes her hair every week, who is just who she is.
A lot of you all resort to the comments, "but y'all always bash us, and now y'all want us to protect you." Does it take for us to praise you everyday beyond your flaws in order to win your protection? Look, we get it. Black women and black men share trauma from hurt that each have done to the other. These are historical facts that look different for each generation but which are real. Not all black women are saints and not all black men are protectors.
But Black Women Look Beyond That Hurt More Than Black Men.
I don't know if you all choose to turn a blind eye or actually just cannot see how black women consistently put our trauma to the side and still protect a black man. Prime example: Megan was shot, in the hospital bed bleeding from her wounds, and still chose not to reveal the identity of the man who shot her, all because he is a black man.
There are black men who have hurt us in our lives but we still pick up the phone when you call, open up our homes when you need a place to stay, loan you our money, carry your children, try this "relationship thing again," argue with other women about you, defend you to our families, refrain from calling the police on you, and more. (And to any lady reading this, be honest, we've all done one or more of these things, despite the hurt that a black man has put us through.
Black men however, don't do the same. Black men will go so far as even dating outside of the race because a black woman hurt him. (Another discussion for another day).
So let me stop here and say NO THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL BLACK MEN. (We really have to stop running to this argument when we are trying to openly and genuinely have discussions with one another. No one thing ever applies to every person).
SO for the black men who DO go just as hard for us, you are very silent. You only speak up when black women say "Black Men Don't Protect Us!" Or you only speak up when someone you personally know is hurt. Whatever true love you have for black women, it is not immediately shown. We are looking for words and actions at this point. We don't want reactionary statements and reactionary actions, we need you to PROACTIVELY show us that you love us.
And we only ask this because we show you every day how much we love you and protect you. Even if you don't personally know us, i.e. Meg thee Stallion, can you still see within us, a woman that you love? We are all Meg thee Stallion, so she is us. And if you cape for us, then you should cape for her.
I'll end with this.
Yes, women have some room for improvement, don't we all. Yes women verbally attack men on social media sites but in the same breath, a black man will post about EVERY OTHER NEGATIVE ISSUE before ever speaking up for a black woman. And yes protecting each other goes beyond social media, but let's be honest, it is a place where we all quickly and PROUDLY share our real views.
Men, it's okay to admit that you have more learning to do when it comes to protecting black women, period. Not black women who _______ (insert: are my family, go to school, have a job, etc.) Can y'all just hear us out because truly for the past few weeks at least, y'all have been at black women's necks. We are tired.
Signed: A Black Woman Who Loves The Hell Out Of Black Men.